2017. What a year it was. I visited somewhere in the ballpark of 20 different countries, I watched my beloved Patriots win another Super Bowl, I built myself my first website and I left a pretty damn good situation in Boston to throw my life in a suitcase and travel around the world. It was hectic and it was lonely at times, but it probably goes down as the best year of my life to date.
We’re onto 2018
2017 is over now, though. Poof. Gone. Finished. Finito. Never to be heard from again. So it’s time to put it in the rearview and start thinking about what’s ahead in 2018.
You might be thinking, “But… but… but… it’s January 12th, it’s way too late for a New Year’s Resolution blog.” Wrong. The longer it takes you to announce your resolutions to the world, the longer it takes for you to quit on your resolutions. Why people don’t just set their 2018 resolutions on December 29, 2018 I’ll never be sure.
Not a New Year’s Resolution
But, let me say this loud and clear, this is NOT a New Year’s Resolution blog. Resolutions are hard. People forget about resolutions. No no. This is more of a grocery list for 2018. Like, this year is my supermarket and I’m just going to pick up a few items for dinner. Over the course of the year, I’ll probably forget a thing or two and I’ll get home and my imaginary wife will tell me we can’t possibly make dinner without that one specific item. If that happens, maybe I’ll have to go back to the store, or maybe life will go on and we’ll just have cereal for dinner.
Orrrrrr this list could also go a completely different way. I might be in the store shopping and get distracted by things that aren’t on the list. And that’s okay. The list is meant to keep me loosely on track. I can’t help it if I end up walking down the frozen food aisle looking for vegetables and come out with 8 frozen pizzas in my cart with still no corn.
I’m only human.
So, that’s the plan. This is NOT a list of resolutions. This is a list of what I’m going to do in 2018 to help keep me from buying 15 frozen pizzas. Without further adieu…
In 2018, I Will…
Get super rich –
Not that I really want to be rich. Being rich sucks. People start to think you can afford things and you have to treat people to lunch. BUT, you have to admit seeing “26-year-old millionaire playboy” in the tabloids somewhere would be pretty sweet.
Start my own company –
I feel like if I write this down it just sort of has to happen. Because that’s how companies start, right? Now we just need a name. “Ry3’s Super Sweet Company” seems a little conceited. And one of those companies without any vowels in the name seems a little played out.
Maybe I’ll just do one of those ridiculously stupid gender reveals, but instead of blue and pink fluid coming out of a spoiled milk carton slashed open with a medieval saber, it’ll be a bunch of letters etched into Advil Liqui-Gels that when put together form the name of the next bazillion dollar company…
Okay, I’ll workshop that one.
Hit puberty –
26. I think this might finally be my year.
Get a haircut –
This has been a massive topic of conversation over the final months of 2017.
“I hate your hair.”
“Your hair sucks.”
“Trash, trash trashity, trash.”
“Cut that before I cut you.”
“I’ve never seen anything make anybody uglier.”
Granted, 4 out of 5 of those were my mother, but still. I’ve been growing my hair out for about 8 months now. It’s all part of the whole traveling the world / finding myself / homeless, unkempt degenerate thing I’m going for. You just need to let me live. I know it looks horrible. I will cut it eventually.
Tell my doctor how much I really drink in an average week –
I need to get this off my chest and I think other people need to as well. Feels like it would be therapeutic. In 2018, it’s time we put the honesty back in annual check-ups.
Hold a girl’s hair back while she puke –
Chivalry – 600 B.C. – 2009
Chivalry II – 2018 – present
Make lemons out of lemonade –
We’re going to reverse engineer this bitch.
Try harder –
While I feel like I have made it abundantly clear that this is not a list of resolutions, if I WAS making resolutions this is how I would do it. “Try harder” could mean absolutely anything. There’s no way I don’t try harder at something in 2018. This is how you do it, plebeians.
Educate myself on something really obscure –
Leaders in the clubhouse right now include:
- Suburban traffic patterns
- Formation of blood blisters
- Faux potted plant production
Re-ignite the space race –
I truly believe, deep down in my heart of hearts, that if we all just focused our energy on trying to put humans on Jupiter instead of blowing up earth, the world would be a much better place.
2018. Let’s go to work
So that’s it. That’s a wrap. My grocery list for 2018. Everything I’m going to accomplish, everything I will do. Some personal, some professional, some that will change the world, some that are just downright weird.
I challenge you to do the same. Don’t make resolutions. Make a list. For groceries and starting a business and changing the world. 2018 is going to be a big year. Let’s get after it.